Lies (Levi x Reader) ~Oneshot~

It never mattered. Whatever they wanted to say they could keep it to themselves. I didn’t believe their lies.

Lies. Maybe it’s a cynical thing to think, but I know everyone lies. No one wants to face the truth. No one really wants the truth. When someone asks you a question, they want the answer that makes them happy.

It’s not the big things either. I’m tired of hearing the small things.

Am I fat? Have I gained weight?

If you’re asking that and are genuinely asking, then it’s because you know you’ve gained weight. Even if you’re not fat, per se, you know you’ve gained some extra fat. That’s why you ask. But what is a person supposed to say?

Yes, I believe so.

That will end up with hurt feelings, grudges, and pain. A simple answer to a simple question. When you ask that, you know you’ve gained weight, and you know the other person knows you’ve gained weight. All you want is the lie.

No! You look beautiful!

Even these small things are lies. Humans lie. They want to be lied to. Even when someone says, “Tell me the truth! Don’t lie to me!” that’s just a lie. You don’t want the truth. You want only what you want to hear.

And then the aftermath occurs. You tell the lie, and the person is happy with the lie, but then it’s found out that you lied. Then you’re in trouble.

Why didn’t you tell me the truth?

Why? Why didn’t I tell you the truth? Because you don’t want the truth. I gave you what you wanted. Now, after giving you what you want, you’re mad at me?

That’s the thing about humans. They want to be lied to, but after being lied to it hurts their feelings to know they’ve been lied to. But if one is blunt and tells the truth from the beginning then their feelings are hurt anyway. It’s always your fault too. No matter what situation you’re in, they will blame you.

No one wants the blame. No one wants the truth. No one wants the lies. So what is it that they want us to do?

Then the big things occur.

Please tell me my son is alive!

No. Your son is dead. I won’t use euphemism here. He’s dead. No amount of lying will change that. But you want to hear, “Yes, he’s alive.” If you hear that, you’re happy. That’s what you want to hear.

But that’s not how it works. In a situation when a kyojin devours someone or kills them, you need to tell them the truth. No matter how hard it is, you look them in the eye and tell them, “I’m sorry. He was killed in action.”

You can’t control what happens out there. I’m Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, and even I can’t be there to save everyone. They enlisted in the military. They trained for this. If they joined the Scouting Legion, then they did so fully aware they, in particular, were putting their very lives on the line. No one can really save them if the situation is that dire.

But tell that parent that his or her son is dead, and chaos ensues.

Why didn’t you save him? Monsters! You killed him! You let him die! Why’d you let him go out if it was that dangerous? It’s all your fault!

My fault? It’s my fault? Is it my fault your son enlisted in the military? Is it my fault that the kyojin suddenly appeared and killed him? Is it my fault he was unlucky?

Of course, that’s part of it all. It’s routine. They want to be lied to, but I won’t lie to them. I decided that a long time ago. It’s either I say nothing on the subject, or say the truth. Being unclear in meaning is not telling a lie. I won’t lie to anyone.

Even during Eren’s case, I never lied. I do believe pain is the best method of discipline. After all, it was the pain of losing Isabel and Farlan that drove me to actually follow Erwin’s orders. To be his partner. I wouldn’t have done so in any other situation.

And people hate me for it. They hate my honesty. They hate that I refuse to sugar-coat anything. They hate that I won’t lie to them. They think I’m “too blunt, rude, and foul-mouthed.”

I accepted that. I’m tired of lying. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of people who can’t handle the truth. I get that losing someone close to you is painful. I lost my family, Isabel and Farlan. I saw their deaths. But I’m tired of listening to people find a way to blame me for something I couldn’t do anything about.

Why, then, do I fight for them? I guess it’s because I’m only human. I want to be lied to as well. I hate lies, but I need those lies as much as everyone else. I won’t lie to myself, but I want to be lied to and told that, outside those walls, everything is good. The world is wonderful and that once we go out and are free, nothing will ever harm us again. I want to believe that as much as anyone else.

Of course, that’s not true. Once humans go out there, there’s going to be horrible things. Government corruption, stealing, killing, people with power abusing those with none. It’ll be just like in these walls, only over a greater area on Earth.

But I fight because I want to be lied to. In this regard I’m not talking about humans. When I’m lied to, I ignore the fact that we, as humans, will bring destruction with us no matter where we go. Instead, I allow myself to believe that the world is safe as long as the kyojin can’t touch us. I want to believe that, once we’re free, everything will be ok.

And the person I want to hear these lies from the most are her. [Full Name]. She’s a sweet person. Not even in the military, but I met her somehow. I can’t even remember how.

She’s kind, but I suppose she’s brutal in her own way. She won’t lie to me. If I ask her what she’d change about me, she’d say, “I love you for who you are. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re flaws make you special, and there’s no need to change you. But if I had to choose, I want you to be taller and smile more. You’re too short and cynical.”

I know my height is under-average, and that stings. I know I’m cynical, but growing up in the underground then in the military, there’s not much I can change about that. But she says it. Why? Because she knows I hate lies. She knows I’d rather hear those words and be hurt than be lied to.

But I want her to lie to me. She always says, “Just because the kyojin are gone doesn’t mean that everything will be ok. We’ll be free, but only from the walls. Everything that makes us human will forever bind us.”

I love her. I won’t lie and say she’s perfect, because she’s not. She’s disorganized, a crybaby, emotional, and weak. But I love her anyway. Sure, if she changed life would be easier for me, but there’s a balance between us.

I like to keep things clean, but she can’t seem to manage that. So I help her. She doesn’t want to cry in front of me because she knows that my struggles are so much more painful than hers, but she can’t help but cry anyway. I love that. First, comforting her makes me feel useful after so much pain. If she cries, then I focus my attention on her, and my problems seem to go away or lessen in importance. She is my world, so her problems are above mine. Second, just knowing that she thinks of me and is trying to be considerate is enough for me. It’s all I really want from her in that regard.

But the best thing is that she won’t lie to me. She’ll be just as blunt as me simply because I want her to be. She’ll lie to everyone else. She’ll want to lie to me. But in the end, she won’t.

Until I need her to. Like now.

“________? Do you really think that there’s no hope for humanity?” I ask.

She watches me and smiles. Then she says what I need to hear, even though it’s a lie. “Levi, once the kyojin are gone, I know everything will be ok. We’ll be happy together forever. You and I, we’ll live a fairy tale together.”

A lie. A big lie, and I know it. But as I look at her, I can’t help but want to believe it. That we’ll always be together. That everything will be ok.

Humans lie. It’s impossible not to lie. But she only lies to me when I really need the lie.

Because as long as I believe that lie, I can work to make it the truth. My truth.