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The Promise From Me to You (Levi x Reader) PartIII

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You know what? I think I had one of the best wake-up calls in my life. Yup. Best. I was completely awake after this. 100%. Why?

Well, for starters, it may be because I didn’t fall back asleep after my nightmare. I didn’t really want to sleep to begin with, but when I tried thinking ‘I need the rest’ I ended up lying in my best for a few hours staring at the ceiling.

The best part of it all? When I went to clean myself up in the morning, I happened to see my reflection. My reaction to that?

“WHAT THE ********! WHY THE ******** DO I LOOK LIKE A *******! THAT ******** CANNOT BE ME! OH ********!” Now you might be trying to figure out exactly what I said by counting the number of * there for each word, but don’t try. I purposefully added the wrong amount so you wouldn’t be able to tell what I said.

Let’s just say, you really don’t want to know what I said, nor do you really want to know what I looked like. Who knew a nightmare + no sleep + broken heart + near insanity (in my mind, but then I guess a crazy person doesn’t know that they’re crazy) = worse than a corpse.

I think if I chose to look like this for Halloween, I would win the costume contest. No competition.

Again, don’t ask what I looked like.

At the least I can say is, the shock of seeing myself in the mirror managed to throw the fatigue away. Probably scared it off. If I have another nightmare tonight, it’ll be me looking in the mirror again. Ugh.

The rest of the day went fairly normal. It was another hot and muggy day, and the sound of complaining cadets filled the atmosphere. _______ and her friends went to the lake for a swim after they were done with their chores.

I wish I hadn’t known about that, because for the rest of the day I kept imagining ______ in a swimsuit. At that point, I couldn’t tell if I was blushing at the images in my head or my face was just hot because of the weather.

I hoped it was the weather.

All-in-all, nothing out of the ordinary happened. ______ didn’t speak to me, but that was just as well. If she hated me, then it was easier to fall in love with someone else. It would be easier for her to have a happier future.

She would be safe as long as I didn’t get involved with her. If only it were so easy. It’s not easy to avoid someone if it’s your job to supervise them.

There was one incident where I ended beating her again as well. It wasn’t as bad as last time. Only a few hits, but it was enough to send her to the infirmary and keep her there for an entire day.

I won’t say what happened because I don’t want to say it. It only makes me look like a five-year-old having a temper tantrum, and I don’t need someone seeing that.

The pain in my heart was ever present, and it began to affect my work. I wasn’t like some girl fantasizing about her loved one and scribbling their name onto all my papers. I just ended up spacing out whenever I had to do paperwork. I would look out the window and get lost thinking about her.

I don’t think Erwin had the heart to tell me to snap out of it. His response to me not doing work?

Stop giving me work and kicking me outside so that I can “walk around in the sun and clear my head” as he put it.

Like that helps. I ended up falling asleep near a lake. Now my uniform is all dirty. Tch. I should’ve stayed inside the headquarters. At least there I have a bed without dirt and dust on it.

It was about a month later when everything began to fall apart.

We were on an expedition outside the walls. I was in the front leading and ______ was in the middle somewhere. The objective of this mission was to catch the Female Kyojin.

It couldn’t have been worse.

Petra, Oluo, Erd, Gunther…. They all died. Viciously murdered by the Female Kyojin. And that idiot Ackerman defied my orders not to kill the kyojin, making me have to save her sorry butt and Jaeger as well. Long story short, the entire mission was a disaster.

The pain was horrible. I’d lost my entire squad. The people I’d watched laugh. Their laughs would no longer fill the room. Petra, who always stood by me with her “heichou, let’s do this” and “heichou, try this” would no longer be there. Oluo was gone, never to imitate me again. Everyone. Just gone.

I was right. It’s better not to get close to people. You’ll only get hurt. You can’t always be there for them.

You can’t promise them eternity.

The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I knew that I had to get everyone back to safety. Jaeger was out for the count, and our numbers were dwindling quickly. I shot the flare signaling a retreat, and rushed back to the rendezvous point.

I didn’t even have time to get the Wings of Freedom badges from their jackets.

The heavy weight of their deaths weighed down my heart, only adding onto the ever present pain already there from the trial. I couldn’t let myself dwell on this. Not yet at least. I’d mourn by myself later, but not now. I needed to stay calm. I needed to keep everyone safe.

“Heichou.” I froze at the sound of ______’s voice from behind me. I slowly turned to meet her wide and terrified gaze. She looked awful. There was a bloody bandage around her head and around her wrist. I’d seen worse, but this awful sight only added to the miseries of that day.

“What is it?”

Her words were shaky, and her entire body trembled. “I… I haven’t seen Petra or anyone else around. I-I kn-know they were with you, Corporal. Where are they? Are they on lookout?”

I gazed into her eyes. She knew, but she wanted to be proven wrong. She didn’t want to be told that her suspicions were true.

I dropped my gaze from hers and shook my head. I couldn’t even bother to be professional about it at the time. It was too much.

“No. They’re dead. Murdered by the Female Kyojin.” I whispered under my breath. She didn’t say anything, and the silence engulfed us. A slight wind blew by, ruffling our hair and clothes. I closed my eyes, willing them to stay dry, and opened them again. I slowly met her gaze once more.

Her eyes were wide but she wasn’t crying. Her body kept shaking, and she shook her head.

“No. Please, no.” She grabbed my uniform and shook me, staring up into my eyes and pleaded, “Please tell me that isn’t true. Tell me it’s just a really bad joke. I promise, I won’t get mad. Please.”

I couldn’t find the words to say anything to her. There was nothing I could say. Nothing I could do. I couldn’t even shake my head or push her away. I just looked into her eyes, conveying to her that this wasn’t a joke.

Her breath hitched in her throat and she slowly fell to her knees. Her eyes were glazed over and she stared forward, as if she was looking into the distance and just waiting for them to return.

“It’s a lie. It has to be a lie. They were the strongest people I knew. They can’t be gone.”

I could only stand there and listen her ramble. I wished it was all a lie, a dream that I would wake up from any second. I wished the kyojin were all dead.

But wishing is never enough.

She didn’t cry. She must’ve been in too much shock. At one point Kirstein came over and saw her. He thought I’d said something to hurt her again – and really, who could blame him after all I’d put her through? – and flew into a frenzy.

He swung his fist at me, which I caught. I was moving out of instinct, not even realizing I’d flipped him over until he was on the ground pinned beneath me.

He swore at me, saying that I could just go become kyojin food. Hadn’t I put her through enough? Had I made it my personal goal to make her miserable?

Each sentence was a stab to my already wounded heart. My grip on his wrist only got tighter and tighter, sure to leave a bruise, but I didn’t have a response to what he was saying.

Then I felt a slap to my face. My head snapped to the side and I released my grip on Kirstein to massage the abused cheek. I didn’t feel anger, only shock, as I saw _______ with her hand still outstretched from hitting me.

“Both of you, let’s stop.” She sounded so sure, but her face gave her away as still being in shock.

“We… we can’t fight amongst ourselves. We need to work together. We need to get back home.” She murmured, but I could tell she was talking to herself more than us.

I slowly stood up and pushed past her. “We leave in five minutes.” I muttered. I think I heard a faint, “Yes sir,” as I walked by, but I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t really care. My mind was in enough turmoil as it was.

As we entered the gates back into the wall, I heard them yelling at us. Booing.

“There are so many casualties.”

“They look so dead.”

“Look at all the injured.”

“Looks like we wasted our taxes on them again.”

“Why do they bother going out there?”

This was routine, but that didn’t make it any easier to listen to. I hated that these people dared say to us that we’re worthless. Didn’t they realize we can hear them?

A man stepped forward from the crowd shouting, “Corporal Levi!” I stopped my horse in front of him.

“Hello Corporal! I’m Petra’s father.”

I gripped my reins tighter as I looked at him. He was smiling.

“Petra has spoken so highly of you in all her letters home. You must be some man, Corporal.”

I remained silent as I listened to him ramble.

“Isn’t she such as sweet child?” I nodded. He beamed at my response and spoke, “Actually, I came here today to ask you something.”

“Yes?”

“Would you marry Petra? She seems to really like you.”

The entire crowd was staring at us now. I could feel the sympathy from the cadets behind me that heard the conversation, and the gazes of the crowd boring into me.

I had to tell him, didn’t I? Why did it have to be me?

I saluted him and said in a clear voice devoid of emotion, “Petra was a good soldier and a good teammate. She tried her best and until her very last breath continued to use her skills to contribute to humanity’s cause. May she rest in peace.”

This was the worst part of my job. Coming back here and having to tell some poor family that they’d lost their husband, their daughter, cousin. Whoever it was, it never made this part any easier to bear. I’d never gotten used to this.

I saw his eyes turn from happy to confusion, then from confusion to anger and sadness. “What?” he muttered.

I couldn’t handle this. I’d just watched her die, I didn’t need to watch her father come to terms with her death as well.

I nudged my horse forward, and I moved past him. He seemed frozen to the spot, for he didn’t move. He didn’t turn and tell me I was a failure as the Corporal, nor did he start crying. He just stood there.

Sometimes, I think that’s the worst reaction of them all. The shock delays the rest of the process, and while it isn’t a nice experience, the sooner you start the grieving process, the sooner you could being your healing process.

I wish there was more I could’ve done, but there’s nothing I can do now.

Petra. Do you hate me now, knowing I’d failed you? Does your spirit curse me for being unable to save you?

Of course not. You’re too nice for that. I guess it’s my job to curse myself.

I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. All of you.

That night I couldn’t sleep, and it had nothing to do with the leg injury I’d sustained while saving Ackerman and Jaeger from certain doom.

I knew I needed to vent this, but there was no way I was doing that here. Everyone was in mourning and I didn’t need to send them all into a frenzy by showing them my own grief.

I’m Lance Corporal Levi. I’m strong. I’m the emotionless captain that they all think is a monster.

But I’m also their pillar. I support all their weight on me. As long as I stay strong, they look at me and feel that not all things change. They may hate me for it, but by staying strong I’m helping them recover as well.

Heh, who knew I was the nice guy? They certainly don’t. But I guess I’m willing to put up with that.

I walked down the hallway, listening to the wails and moans coming from closed doors. Well, I limped really, but that’s beside the point. After some time, I walked out of the castle and into the forest. I didn’t know where I was headed. I just let my body take me there.

I ended up at the lake where I’d fallen asleep. The moon was shining overhead, making the water sparkle. It was almost like nature itself was mocking me.

But there stood a lone figure by the water. I hid behind a tree and peeked at whoever it was.

It was _______.

She was in casual clothes now. A simple white shirt and grey pants. She stared out at the water in a trance-like state.

I don’t know what pushed me to do what I did, but I came out from behind the tree and walked beside her. She seemed surprised that I was there and saluted me, but I simply waved her off.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. We both stared out at the lake, no purpose really in mind.

“Just… watching.” She murmured. We stayed in silence for a while, neither really wanting to be the one to speak first.

I had come out here to find a quiet place to weep, but instead I found myself standing and staring at a stupid lake. But ________’s presence comforted me, and I found myself wanting to stay beside her. Her anger toward me seemed non-existent now.

Then she spoke.

“You know, it’s really actually funny. Their deaths, I mean.”

I looked at her, completely bewildered that she would say something so horrible. Even I wasn’t capable of saying something like that!

But as I stared at her and listened, I understood.

“Petra and I, we used to talk about how weak I was. She would never admit it, but we both thought that, between the two of us, I would be the one to die first. Isn’t that ironic?” her voice shook, and she tried to have a light-hearted tone, but it was all in vain, for I could see her face.

Tears were welling up in her eyes, and the fake smile she had plastered on was beginning to fade.

“I bet Oluo, that idiot, probably bit his tongue again as he died. That would be so like him! Haha…. And he said that I would die first. Looks like I won that bet.”

I simply stared at her, trying to keep herself from drowning in her sorrows and failing miserably.

Yes, I understood. She was trying to deny her pain. If she acted like she wasn’t hurting, and instead pretended that she was laughing at them, she hoped that she could deal with it later.

She shivered and I wrapped my cloak around her shoulders. “You can say the truth.” I told her. She looked surprised as I pulled her into a hug. “Don’t hide your feelings behind such lies, _______. Don’t look like a bad person trying to cover up how you feel.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

I tried to think of a lie, but I couldn’t. The only thing I could do was tell her honestly, “Because I care.”

At the moment, I didn’t care if all the work I’d done to keep her away failed. I didn’t care what happened. I just wanted to help her. That’s all that mattered. My pain could wait. My troubles were of little consequence. I didn’t care as long as I helped her recover from this.

She shook in my arms and finally broke down.

“I thought I would be used to it. Losing someone I love and care about. I thought that I knew that pain. I thought that I’d be immune by now. So why?” She tilted her head to look me in the eyes, and I met her gaze. “Why does it still hurt so much? Why is it that I haven’t gotten used to this? Why?” Tears began flowing out of her eyes in mini waterfalls, flowing down her face. “I knew that the Survey Corps would be dangerous, that I’d lose people. I thought I’d prepared myself for that! Why does it still hurt so much?”

I began wiping her tears away, but it was futile. Every time I rubbed a tear away, a new one quickly took its place. Out of all the pain I had gone through today, I think this one as the worst. _______, my loved one, was crying, and there wasn’t a thing I could do to console her.

But she was waiting for an answer. I didn’t know what to say. I simply stared into her eyes and whispered, “I’m not used to it.”

Her eyes went wide and she whispered, “What?”

I leaned over her and hugged her tightly against my body, trying my best to give her some comfort. I’d never been good at this, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else.

Holding her, I only told her, “After the countless deaths I’ve seen, all the horrors I’ve witnessed, you would think that I’m used to it. But it never gets any easier to deal with. All I can do is grieve then keep going. Dwelling on their deaths won’t bring them back. It’ll only make the hurt last longer. I their hatred for the kyojin, their spirits, to give me another reason to fight. Their deaths are fuel for me. I use their deaths as another reason, each death, to take down the kyojin. I won’t let their spirits die in vain. I carry their will to fight on my shoulders. That’s all I can do to honor their deaths, their sacrifices.”

She stood still for a moment. I didn’t say anymore. Then, “You must miss them.” I stiffened. “You must be sad. Knowing you, you’re probably angry at yourself.” I didn’t say anything, but I felt her arms wrap around me.

She held me tightly yet gently, as if I was made of glass and would break if handled the wrong way. No one ever held me this way before, and I relaxed into her touch.

“You can let it out.” She whispered. I couldn’t find my voice.

“Levi…” I gasped and looked into her eyes. She was still crying, but now she was staring at me. “You’re not the Corporal, are you?” She asked.

“What?” I was completely dumbfounded. She shook her head and held me tighter. I felt my arms go limp and fall to my sides. “You don’t have to pretend to be ok. You’re only human. You told me so yourself. You can cry for your fallen comrades. You can cry for your friends.”

She paused a moment, seeming to find the right words to say. “You don’t have to be the Corporal right now. You can forget your position as a captain. Just be Levi.”

“I…” I didn’t know how to respond. I never cried in front of others. So instead I whispered, “Why do this for me?”

She pushed her face into my shoulder. “No one deserves to be alone on a day like today. If you don’t rely on anyone else, you can at least cry on my shoulder.”

“Aren’t you hurting?”

“…..Of course. But, maybe we can grieve together. We can mourn for them, and then fight for them.”

“_______. You…”

“Just for tonight, let’s forget everything that happened between us.”

My eyes grew wide with shock and I asked, “What?”

“Forget everything. The anger, the hate, the betrayal. Forget it all. Let us just lean on each other for tonight.”

I should pull away. I should leave. I should tell her to get lost. I should punish her for calling me by name. There were a million “I should” phrases running through my head. A million things to say, a million things to do.

This wasn’t right. I needed to keep my promise to her. I needed to get away and protect her!

But as she held me so tenderly, her embrace full of understanding and warmth, I found myself hugging her back once again. I held her tightly, afraid to let go. I felt the warm tears escape my eyes as I leaned over slightly and buried my head in her neck.

I felt all the anguish and loneliness hit me again all at once, making me choke on my own silent sobs.

She chuckled. “Even when you cry, you’re so silent. Why are you so cool?”

I laughed slightly at that, her comment lightening the heavy atmosphere a bit.

Eld, Gunther, Oluo, Petra. I would never hear their laugh again. They were gone. I’ve known this since I saw them die. I saw hundreds and thousands of soldiers die. But now, I could truly let myself come to terms with it.

The two of us cried, leaning on each other for support.

Maybe, just for one night, I could break my promise and be with her. Just for one night, I could depend on her once more.

Just for tonight, I let my emotions become free again. Just for tonight, I allowed myself to be hugged like a child. Just tonight, I would allow my resolve to dissolve and I would keep her with me. I would allow myself to love her and hold her in my arms. I would grieve.

Just for tonight.
I do not own SnK/AoT

It belongs to 
Hajime Isayama and the anime stations that played them


This chapter is a bit shorter, an I can't say I like this one all too much, but maybe that's just me being hard on myself? I don't know. I hope everyone likes it.

Let me know what you think!! I'd love to hear from all of you!

I'm sorry if this chapter made you hate me because the quality was so back compared to the last two chapters. This one was just so hard to write for some reason. >:(


If you do hate it, I apologize in advance~~~~~~~

Part I: otakuforthewin.deviantart.com/…
Part II: otakuforthewin.deviantart.com/…
Part IV: otakuforthewin.deviantart.com/…
Part V: otakuforthewin.deviantart.com/…
Final Part: otakuforthewin.deviantart.com/…

© 2014 - 2024 OtakuForTheWin
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Lala1028's avatar
That was amazing.
thank you.